In need of a Spiritual Boost

I'm back in a place again that I don't really like.  I'm back in that place where I feel like I don't have enough strength to do the things that I need to do.  Last week on my Scripture Sunday post, I posted about building a foundation for my kids.  But, it's so hard building the foundation by myself.  And, yes, I know I'm not by myself, because God is always with me.  But, he's not here in person asking my kids to get ready to go to church.  Their annoying mommy is here asking them to get ready for church.

If you don't know, or haven't read back to the beginning on my blog, my husband is not a Christian.
  He is a wonderful, wonderful man. He has so many good qualities.  And he's a great father.  But, he wasn't raised to believe.  So, he believes the opposite.  He is starting to believe in a Creator.  He's just not on board with the Jesus thing.  And he thinks that people use God as an excuse to be average.  He thinks that as Christians, we brainwash our children.  He believes. . . who know what else he believes, but it's not what I believe!

He does however let me take the kids to church.  But, he says that if the kids ask why he doesn't go or what he believes, he's going to tell them.  And the kids already know that he doesn't believe.  So, they're being raised in a house where the house is basically divided in that aspect.

That is the reason I wanted my son to stay at the school at the church for as long as possible.  I need him to get it from somewhere other than me.  And now he's fighting going to church.  Well, he has been fighting it for about a year.  And it makes me want to just crumble.  So, I haven't been to church in a while.  I'm hoping to make it this weekend.  And I'll probably go without the kids.

There are times that I wish that I really would have understood how my husband's beliefs were going to affect my life before I fell in love with him.  But, I also believe that God led me to my husband.  So, there has to be a reason that I'm here.  Sometimes I think it's so that his kids would have a chance to be raised Christian.  A weaker woman might have given in to him on this subject.  I'm not ready to give in and never will.  But, I think that I need to get back into church consistently, whether the kids are with me or not.  I need to remember why I want my kids there.  And I need to be able to have the strength and the right words and actions to get them there.  I can't do any of that without bolstering myself first.  And trying to get the kids there is just exhausting.

On the positive and (quite scary) side, I have been called to teach Sunday School this year.  And really, this might be a blessing in disguise.  I'm terrified to teach Sunday School because I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of gal.  And, I can't control my own kids, much less a classroom full!  There are all kinds of reasons why I am scared to teach Sunday school.  But, there's one reason why I'm going to do it.  Because they asked me to.  And if they asked me to do it, then that probably came from God.  And I believe He knows what is best for me.  So, I might end up sacrificing my own worship time to be able to make sure that my kids are at Sunday School.  To understand that statement, you'd have to know that spending too much time at the church causes much strife in my marriage.  But, at this point, the kids getting to know Jesus is more important than my formal worship time. I can worship him in many other ways.

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."--Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

I should know that God created these kids and that he wants them to be safe and happy even more than I do.  He will make sure that nothing ever harms them.  I just hope that I can be good enough for them.  I guess I really am going to have to wear out that "The Power of a Praying Parent" book this year! 

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