Monday, July 30, 2012

My kids "hate" me, but I Love them!

I think it's safe to say that if your kids don't tell you at least once in their life that they "hate" you, you're probably not doing your job.  A parent's job is not always fun.  And sometimes you have to tell the kids to do something they don't want to do or tell them something they don't like.  

For instance, "It's time to go to bed" or "we really should clean this room."  These kinds of statements can illicit hatred in my house.  My son who is 8, has never said those words to me until recently.
We've definitely had our differences over the years.  There was a whole period from about 4 years old until maybe 6 years old when I wasn't really fond of him at all.  At All!!  And that made me feel like a really cruddy mom.  But, the kid had the worst attitude and it just got on my nerves.

After about the age of 6, his attitude changed a little bit and our relationship got better.  Then, Jaycee went into the little attitude stage.  And Jaycee always tells me that she hates me.  I'm used to her saying it.  Truthfully, I just figured it was payback from when I was a little girl.  I used to scream those words at my mother!  See. . . . . what goes around comes around.  I enjoy telling my kids that I can't wait until they are parents.  Then I'll just laugh and laugh and laugh. . . .

But, I'll understand.  

For now though, those words coming from Logan, who has never said them to me, hurt my feelings.  Or maybe it was just the perimenopausal PMS hormones.  Whenever he says those words, I just say, "But, I love you!!"  Which of course probably just makes him more frustrated.  But, even those crazy hormones won't make me say those words back.  I am the adult after all!  But that doesn't stop me from mumbling things under my breath as I walk away.  I'm an adult.  But, I'm human. 

It's especially hard to walk away without saying anything when it's late at night and it has already been a long day and all of my reserves of patience have been used up.  I took a parenting class at church once and one of the statements in the book/video/etc. was to not let your kids "invite you to their anger party".  I think that's good advice.  But, it's hard sometimes isn't it?  

I was just noticing something the other day.  And again, it might be because I'm ultra sensitive and over-the-top crazy from these hormones, but when my kids argue, I get angry.  What is it about kids arguing that make parents angry?  The kids are angry and frustrated with each other.  But, does that mean that I have to be angry and frustrated, too?  No!!  I shouldn't be angry and frustrated.  I should be the calm voice of reason.  But, instead (sometimes. . . not ALL the time), I invite myself to their "anger party".  

Feelings are contagious.  If you're happy, other people will be happy.  If you're angry and frustrated, people will pick up on that and become angry and frustrated.  If you're nervous, people start to think that they have a reason to be nervous.  So today, I'm going to try to start the day happy and see if we can make the feeling contagious.  But, I still have to ask them to clean their rooms.  The rooms are becoming extremely dangerous.  So, wish me luck!  It helps that I finally started my period, though.  Two weeks late.  But, that would be a whole other "perimenopause and what it does to your mind, body and soul" article.  Not this one.  So. . . . . . 
ta-ta for now! 

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