Monday, August 24, 2015

Sharing Responsibilities | Letting Go is Hard!

My hubby is beginning his third week at his new job this week.  He is still loving it!  At his old job, he used to go to sleep in a panic and wake up in a panic.  He used to run a lot of jobs with very little help from above.  He didn't have the support he needed and so what would have already been a stressful job was even more stressful.   He wasn't always in that position, but even when he wasn't he used to work out of town a lot.  Or on night shifts.  Night shifts really sucked (pardon my language!)  I would have rather he worked out of town than work night shifts.  We were ALL miserable the last time he worked an extended night shift.  I prayed for weeks for him to be off that job.

We've dealt with overtimes, weird shifts and everything in-between.  Even when my hubby was "off work" he wasn't off work.  So, everything else fell on me.  Except mowing the lawn and taking the trash out, I was in charge of everything.  I was the one who dealt with all of the finances, all of the housework and laundry, all of the kids' activities and school stuff, all of the kids' birthday parties, all of the coordination of everything with everything and everyone and every. . . . . . anything.  Vet's appointments, doctors appointments, e-checks on the cars, registrations, meal planning, grocery shopping, coordinating who was going to take the kids to soccer practice, and countless other things that I probably can't even remember right now.  When the kids were babies, midnight feedings.  Two o'clock feedings. Diaper changes.  Playdates. Preschool registration.  Kindergarten registration.  PTA and school forms.  Breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinner. 

My hubby was never around in the mornings, so the whole process of getting the kids ready for school each day fell on me.  He worked outside of the house.  I did everything else.

I was the one in charge of vacation planning for the family.  When he has his "man trips" he planned those.  Those trips left me alone with the kids anywhere from 4 days to 11 days.  There were times when he would be working out of town for a week and then had one of his trips planned.  I was alone with the kids for 10 days, when they were still home a lot of time because they were younger.  My family is not in town, so I didn't have much help.  I didn't have my girlfriend mommy support system yet, so I was basically on my own.  By the end of the 10 days, I remember just crying when the kids asked me a simple question because I just couldn't take it anymore.  Even simple questions were causing me to go over the edge. 

You might say I have it easier than a single mom does, and you'd be right.  .  .  . if I didn't also have to deal with the moodiness of the man that I have to live with.  That will hopefully be alleviated by this new job as well.  He was always under a lot of stress, which of course he didn't leave "at the office."  The stress followed him home and caused the rest of us to always feel like we had to walk on eggshells.


We've been blessed that he had a job that was pretty decent financially.  I was blessed to be able to stay home with my kids. . . . . no matter how stressful it sometimes got.


The kids are older now and now we have new challenges.  I still take care of most of everything.  BUT, my hubby is saying, "My job is less stressful now.  I can take on more at home now."

Here's the thing.  It's hard for me to figure out which parts to give up.  It is not going to be a smooth transition!  Last night after dinner, I said,
"Okay.  I'm going to go take a shower.  Will these dishes be done when I come out?"

They were done!  But this morning when I went to put them away, there was still grease on a lot of them.  I want to give up some of my chores to other people.  But, it's so hard when they don't do things to the same standard I do.  I ended up having to rewash everything. 

Also, in my house for as long as I can remember,  I use hampers for dirty laundry and laundry baskets for clean laundry.  My hubby threw wet towels on top of a load of clean towels, because he thought they were waiting to be washed.  I should have taken the clean towels out of the laundry room already, but then they would end up in the living room until I have a chance to fold them and put them away.  I have my own systems and when it's time to let someone else help, they don't use the same system as me. 

I guess this week, I'm going to have to clue everyone in on how my systems work! 

I'm happy that they are trying to help, but I guess I'm going to have to teach them how to wash dishes for real and which laundry baskets to use. 

I'm not going to say I'm a "control freak", but man! This giving up some of my responsibilities thing is going to be hard! 

And the grocery shopping?  Pretty sure that's going to have to always be me or there might be no way we'd ever be able to stay on budget.

How do you guys split responsibilities in your house?


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