I have been reading an incredibly helpful book called Nurturing the Soul of Your Family by Renee Trudeau. I love many of the suggestions that she offers in the book. I am not quite finished with the book yet. Once I finish the book, I will give you my full review. But, I have loved the book to the point where I am now and I can't wait to take some of the steps and incorporate them into my family. I love Renee's take on life and family. After reading her own personal accounts of her life in the book, I feel like I know her as a friend! I definitely recommend the book and I can't wait to tell you guys more about it. For now, though. . . . here's an excerpt from the book.
Slow Down...on
the
Inside
An
Excerpt from Nurturing the Soul of Your Family
Think
slow is for slackers? I used to think so, too.
Disclosure: I received a copy of the book for free through my involvement with the "Inspiring Moms Network". No other compensation was received and all opinions are 100% mine.
Slowing down and
doing less are easier said than done, and they require a radical paradigm shift
for most of us. To start, we have to distinguish our inner life from our
outward productivity in order to create a lifestyle that sustains us rather
than wears us out.
When I was thirty
years old, I was a public relations director in a very stressful job. I fit the
persona of an overachiever, and I loved the strokes that came with
overachieving; I was addicted to having a superbusy mind, schedule, and life. I
was also exhausted and frankly doubted I could sustain this pace (really, this
level of mental activity — or insanity). Over time, my job, relationships, and
well-being were all suffering from my speeded-up life.
So I began working
with a great therapist named Frances — she was really a presence coach. Frances
teaches clients how to slow down on the inside so that you can actually be more
effective and wise in all areas of your life. For the longest time, I thought,
“This will never work for me. She just doesn’t understand my world. How can I
slow down and still get things done?”
Successfully juggling and anticipating solutions for ten different
projects simultaneously was my hallmark! Slowly I integrated her coaching into
my life, and I began to understand the connection between my inner state of
being and how I see and respond to my outer world. As I cultivated more
awareness for my inner world, it had a huge impact: I lived more in the
present, slowed down my thinking, decreased anxiety, and improved my mood in
large part by creating more space between my thoughts and my reactions. From
stillness also came discernment: I began to see what really mattered to me, and
my life purpose and path became clear.
My work with Frances
during those years led directly to my work today. It informed the model for
balanced living that I teach and try to live by. I have distilled this work
into five balanced-living insights: practice “good is good enough,” learn to
manage your energy, ask for help, practice self-care, and become comfortable
saying no. Integrating these five practices or skills into your life can have a
profound impact, and they have helped my clients to reclaim their lives, so
they are in the driver’s seat.
Strategies and
Insights for Balanced Living
1. Practice
“good is good enough.” Let go of expectations and the
need to please — whether that’s about housework, social events, exercise,
volunteering, work, or kids’ activities. This practice isn’t about being lazy
or lowering your standards; it’s about accepting your best effort for a given
task as good enough, so you can devote your time and energy to what matters
most, in the moment and at your current life stage. Preparing for your son’s
fourth birthday party? Invite everyone who matters in his world and serve
popcorn and popsicles in the park.
2. Learn to
manage your energy. When you evaluate the tasks or activities
before you, see them in terms of energy, not time. These are not the same, and
learning to manage our energy is more important. Some people, situations, and
things take more mental and emotional energy than others — such as lunch with a
friend who just lost her mom — and we need to allow for this. We can first ask:
What today (or in my life) is most important to me? What drains me? What fuels
me? What do I need to release? This helps us set our priorities and direct our
energy more purposefully and effectively.
3. Ask for
help. This is a biggie, and it can be life changing for
those of us who are predisposed to go it alone. But we’re all interconnected, and miracles can happen when we allow support into our lives and learn to delegate. Asking for support might mean tapping a potential mentor for advice or asking your kids to help prepare dinner. Sometimes it’s help for an actual task, and at other times it may be emotional support as you weather a crisis or challenge. Asking for support can make all the difference in how you experience your journey.
those of us who are predisposed to go it alone. But we’re all interconnected, and miracles can happen when we allow support into our lives and learn to delegate. Asking for support might mean tapping a potential mentor for advice or asking your kids to help prepare dinner. Sometimes it’s help for an actual task, and at other times it may be emotional support as you weather a crisis or challenge. Asking for support can make all the difference in how you experience your journey.
4. Practice
self-care. Don’t forget to add your own needs to your daily and
weekly to-do lists. Ask: What do I need right now to support my physical,
emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being? Then, tune in,
listen, and respond.
Often, the kindest form of self-care is not overcommitting and overscheduling.
Release self-criticism or judgment that you aren’t doing enough, whether that’s
keeping the house clean or starting a new project at work; this is an essential
way to nurture and be more kind to ourselves.
5. Become
comfortable saying no. Are you comfortable saying no and not
overcommitting? Saying no — to volunteer requests, extracurricular activities,
an extra work project, unnecessary travel or trips — is one way we set limits
and maintain boundaries. We will need to say no many times in our lives.
However, most people find that the more they say no to things that are draining
them or pulling them into overwork or overwhelm, the more space they have to say
yes to those things that really matter — like reconnecting with your partner or
dedicating time to getting your financial house in order. Also, saying no
gracefully is a learned skill and it takes practice; there are many ways to do
so. For instance, simple is often best; don’t trot out a list of excuses.
Either decline directly and politely (“No, thanks, I’ll have to pass on that”)
or keep the reason simple (“My time is already committed”). You can also say
yes in a limited way (“I can’t do that, but I could do this...”) or even ask for more time to decide
(“Can I get back to you?”). If you’re worried the other person will take the
answer no as a personal rejection, clarify what you’re declining (“I’d love to
see you, but this day won’t work for me”). For more on this, see the “Nine
Creative Ways to Say No” list in my book The Mother’s
Guide to Self-Renewal.
# # #
Life balance coach/speaker Renée Peterson
Trudeau is the author of the new book Nurturing the Soul of Your Family.
Thousands of women in ten countries are participating in Personal Renewal
Groups based on her first book, the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to
Self-Renewal. Visit her online at www.ReneeTrudeau.com
Excerpted from the new book Nurturing the Soul of Your
Family ©2013 Renée Peterson Trudeau.
Published with permission of New World Library http://www.newworldlibrary.com
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