The Pepperoni That Broke the Camel's Back

 What's that you say? How can a pepperoni break a camel's back?  I had no idea how a small little package of pepperoni could break a camel's back either.  But, that darn little package of pepperoni was the proverbial straw last night.  I wish I could say otherwise.  

Apparently, even though we live a life that is somewhat chaotic. . . . the kids didn't have bedtimes over the Summer. . . . . my hubby sometimes tells me at what seems to be the last minute that he has plans with friends. . . .we're used to rolling with the punches when we don't have our own personal vehicle for three weeks on vacation (we're basically at the mercy of others) . . . . we used to have no idea what my hubby's work schedule was going to be like. . . .for goodness' sake, I'm married to a BASE jumper.  He likes to jump off of stuff.  For fun.  With a parachute. 

I still need some kind of order.  
It surprised me too!  
I never thought I was Type "A".  I'm nervous and anxious by nature, yes. . . . but Type "A"???

All of this change lately is making me crazy.  It's not the change in and of itself that's making me crazy.  It's not having all of my ducks in a row with everything financially-related that's causing me stress.

We have to make decisions about health insurance.  We have to make decisions about phone plans for my hubby since he won't have that through work anymore.  I still haven't even seen the first paycheck to figure out how to schedule our bills, etc.  We have new car registrations and car insurance bills that we've never had before.  We have Summer expeditions that we still have to pay off.  And I want it all done now.  NOW, I tell you.  But, my hubby is just trying to wrap his head around all of HIS new stuff I guess and doesn't understand my need for it all to just be taken care of so that I can move on.

And not on the financial front, I still have no idea what phone numbers to put on all of these school forms.  Hubby still doesn't even know what his work phone is going to be.

Let me remind you and MYSELF that even though I have to make these changes, it is ALL Worth It!
Seeing my hubby come home happy every day is worth every bit of change that we have to go through.  

But, apparently I don't deal with change as well as I would have hoped.  I've always had slight issues with depression following big changes like moving.  Moving has always been my main trigger.  And the depression is never serious enough that I need to do anything drastic.  I still get out of bed and go to work and go through the motions.  But, that's all life is during those points--going through the motions.  Nothing makes me smile.  Everything makes me cry.  And crying is embarrassing. 

 I remember when I first moved home after living in my college town for nine years.  I would get to go out to lunch with my mom and sister every week. Occasionally, my grandparents would be able to go with us too.  I remember one time getting back from lunch and just going into my apartment and crying.  And then I heard a knock on the door.  My grandparents had decided to stop by after lunch without telling me.  I was hiding in my room crying and didn't want them to know that I'd been crying.  I knew nobody would understand.  If I even mentioned sadness, everyone told me to "just get over it."  The sadness and crying happened a lot that time.  Luckily, the sadness usually only lasts one to two months.   And then, out of nowhere, eventually something just happens.  It's like a light clicks on and everything is alright.  All the sadness is gone and I can get on with life. 

My hubby and I were actually worried that I would have post-partum depression after The Builder was born.  It never happened thank goodness.  And I think I did pretty well with our last move, although I told my hubby I was NEVER moving again.  So, for the last decade or so I've been pretty good as far as sadness goes.  I haven't had any extended periods of time when I was just overwhelmed with sadness.  I had a day or two at a time when I have just had too much of life in general, but never any long periods of melancholy  (I always think of how Megamind pronounced it in the movie~~~ mel-LONK-aly~~ haha~~that makes me feel better already.)

I think right now, I'm just still sad from having to say goodbye to my parents a little over a week ago AND having to deal with all these changes.  I miss my family and we're lacking a lot of info that I need to function as CFO of this household.

SOOOOOOO,  You might be asking "What in the world does all of this have to do with Pepperoni, miss Quirky?"  

I truthfully have no idea.  But for some reason I was on the verge of tears all day yesterday after the pepperoni incident, which reminded me of all of the times in my past when I was going through little depressions.

Yesterday was a weird, emotional day. 
There is so much for my little, BIG fifth grader to remember now.  He has PE and Band on alternating days on alternating weeks.  He has to change out into gym clothes for PE now.  He had his shirt at school last week, but the coach actually recommended that they write their name inside the collars, not just on the tag.  So, we brought it home last week to do that.  It was in his bookbag, but he took it out to check for something else and forgot to put it back in.  We didn't realize that he didn't put it back in until the bus was right upon us. We didn't have time to get it.  That poor little guy got so upset thinking he was going to get in trouble.  He was in tears.  I felt so bad for him.  He's my little stress-puppy.  I have NO idea where he gets it from~~   haha.  So, I felt bad for him all morning.  My daughter wanted me to take his shirt to school for him, but I'm not going to do that.  It's his responsibility.
Then, after I finally got kid number two on the bus, I was going to listen to one of my Bible studies on the computer while I was cleaning the kitchen and then a little notice popped up on my computer (which I use for blogging every day) that "A problem has been detected with the cooling system.  Please turn your computer off immediately and take in for service." 
Greeeeaaaaat.  Okay, so I turned my computer off.  

And rewashed the dishes that the hubby and kids washed the night before~~apparently they don't know how to get grease off dishes.  I don't know if they just rinsed them and threw them in the drying rack or what!  
I still needed to check the computer though, because yesterday was supposed to be the first day that I went to a paying job outside of my house in 11 years.  I've done lots of stuff since The Builder was born~~several direct selling companies, volunteering as a Meals on Wheels driver, volunteering in the kids' schools, this blog. . . . . but I've never had a paying job outside the house in over 11 years.
I was a little nervous. 
I got there yesterday and the owner was sick, so she closed for the day and forgot to tell me. It's okay.  I know what it's like when you're sick.  Things slip your mind.  And she's been gracious enough to work with me.  But, that was just one more thing that was going wrong yesterday.

The Builder and I were supposed to go get our hair cut yesterday once Future Fashionista got home, but one of his friends called to see if he wanted to go to footskills for soccer.  So, we didn't get our hair cut.  I let him go and said we'd get it done today.

At that point, I just gave up and put dinner in the oven, which I thankfully had prepared earlier in the day.  

I was going to try to get a head start on today's lunches by making them last night and HERE's where the pepperoni comes in.  The Builder and I went shopping on Sunday and I specifically remember thinking, "The pepperoni doesn't need to be refrigerated yet, I'll put it in the pantry."

Only. . . . I couldn't find it in the pantry.  I searched the pantry.  I searched the fridge.  I searched the pantry again.  And again.  I searched the fridge again.  I looked in the freezer to see if I accidentally threw it in the freezer.  I pulled out  the shopping bags to see if I accidentally left them in the shopping bags.  By this time, I was angry.  All of the changes lately, and the people in this house telling me that they could help me~~even though I still needed to re-do things they'd done to "help", and my hubby not listening to me when he got home from work, even though I listen to him every day, and his unwillingness to help get these financial things taken care of, and all of the mishaps of the day just PILED themselves on TOP of that Pepperoni package.  I made it my mission to find that blasted pepperoni package so that I could have some kind of order in my life if it was the last thing I did!

The pepperoni package had become in my mind the standard of "order" for the evening.  

I was like a raving lunatic looking for this pepperoni package.  Finding that package of pepperoni was the last hope for me to have order in the day that didn't go anything like what it was supposed to go like.  I searched AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN in that pantry for that pepperoni.  My hubby looked in the trunk of the car.  And then everyone was scared to even look at me.  

Finally, my son found the pepperoni on top of a cereal box in the pantry.  Since I practically took everything out of that pantry looking for those darn little pepperonis, probably MORE than five times, I have no idea how  I didn't see them.  But my son saved the day and my sanity.  And I made the stinkin' cream cheese pepperoni rolls for the kids to try to see if they'd like them in their lunch boxes today.  I did not however make the actual lunches and get a jumpstart on today.  I had already had enough!

And that's how the darn pepperoni was the final straw that broke the camel's back.
Completely irrational, I know.

Hopefully we'll get all of our changes made soon so that next random missing food package won't bury the darn camel.

Do you ever have these moments of craziness and irrationality?

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